Wednesday, November 24, 2004

 

And the Oscar doesn't go to...

I'm blogging this cause it made me laugh out loud. Okay?
A Nation Founded by Criminals Turns Its Lonely Eyes to You

It's been a while, but here are a few steaming piles of what could loosely be called movie news from the Weekly Recap:

* Rosario Dawson and Adam Pascal will star in RENT, Revolution's adaptation of Jonathan Larson's Tony-winning play that Chris Columbus is directing. Meanwhile, my "Slightly Escalated Community Association Dues" script is unjustly languishing in cinematic purgatory.

* Queen Latifah will team with Darryl Taja to produce a sequel to the 1996 pic SET IT OFF for New Line Cinema. I mean, how could Hollywood ignore eight years of uninterrupted national outcry for this project to get done?

* Pierce Brosnan will star in THE TOPKAPI AFFAIR MGM's sequel to THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR. The new film will draw on material from 1964's MGM pic TOPKAPI. I really do appreciate the concerted industry effort to double-up on its various desecrations.

* David Hubbard has sold his untitled comedy pitch to 20th Century Fox about a guy who -- after 15 years of marriage -- is beginning to wonder what his life would have been like had he remained single. When he comes face-to-face with himself in a "magical" elevator, he manages to switch places with his single self. If Hubbard didn't come up with this, a gang of syphillitic monkeys slinging their shit against a wall would have.

* Micky Dolenz will direct G'DAY L.A. about two brothers living in the outback who dream of going to California and meeting their pin-up gal. Nothing about that sentence makes any sense, unless that burly Road Warrior extra guy from those 80s Energizer commercials is attached.

* DreamWorks has landed rights to make BAYWATCH, a feature film version of the global TV phenomenon about a group of lifeguards who patrol a California beach. The premiere of this movie should coincide nicely with locusts and frogs descending on the Midwest and one of the Great Lakes turning into blood.

* Jon M. Chu is no longer directing BYE BYE BIRDIE for Sony. The young helmer was taken off the project due to the pic's escalating budget and risky nature. It's the Heaven's Gate of stupid, pointless, shitty remakes of movies that pretty much sucked to begin with!
And to think that Ishtar spent 11 years in development Hell...where's the justice?
Comments:
Re: the Baywatch movie.

Cue "Futurama" reference to Pamela Anderson, her Oscar, and the first movie filmed entirely in slow motion...
 
Re: David Hubbard project. Wasn't this made already a few years ago? It was called "Sliding Doors" and starred Gwyneth Paltrow.
 
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Comments: "
Re: the Baywatch movie.

Cue "Futurama" reference to Pamela Anderson, her Oscar, and the first movie filmed entirely in slow motion...
 
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