Friday, March 11, 2005


Friday Blog Blogging

Thought I'd miss my own deadline, did you? Malvolio never misses (although he occasionally backdates...)

Anyway, submitted for your approval, from the delicious Banana Slug:

Crappy Crooner Ridiculed Anew

In a controversial move angering people from across the political spectrum, President George W. Bush has nominated Michael Bolton to replace outgoing U.N. Ambassador, John Danforth.

The confusing appointment comes amid recent Bush administration overtures seeking to mollify allies and soften differences aroused by the war in Iraq.

Critics were quick to take aim at the singer.

“Michael Bolton’s sappy, over the top torture of pop ballads is a crime against humanity,” offered U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan on learning of the news. “Christ, the way he massacred all those classic tunes. And don’t even get me started on the arias butchery.”

Bolton’s appointment requires Senate approval, no sure thing as Senators come forth with horror stories about his music, and seems designed to stick a thumb in the eye of the United Nations, which has often been at odds with the Bush Administration.

“Michael Bolton has alienated virtually all of America and much of the rest of the world with his pedantic, hackneyed phrasing,” notes New School U.N. and Pop Music Chair Thomas Dolby Robertson.

“Placing him in this post can only be perceived as a major slight to the United Nations.

“On the plus side, he’ll probably be too busy to record anything new, and the threat of his music might pull some recalcitrant countries right into line.”
There. Just before midnight. Aren't you thrilled? You should be.

Say, you know? This appointment might just be an exception to Beck's Axiom!
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