Saturday, April 02, 2005


Pope Dies - DeLay Blames Democrats

Castigating the "Democrat culture of death," House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (Rep. - Texas) blamed the death of Pope John Paul II earlier today on the Democratic Party. "Nobody died before the Democrats started interfering with people's right to life," DeLay said to Fox News. "If it weren't for the Democrat culture of death, His Holiness would still be alive. And Terry Schiavo. Don't nobody never forget her neither."

DeLay is a conservative Protestant. Like all conservative Protestants, he used to consider the Pope to be the handmaiden of the Antichrist, until it was pointed out to him that American Catholics might be induced to vote Republican if only DeLay would stop belittling their spiritual leader.

Meanwhile, President Bush has begun interviewing candidates to succeed Pope John II. It is not clear if anyone has told him that he doesn't actually get to name the new Pontiff, or if he believed them when they told him.
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