Sunday, December 18, 2005

 

AIEEEEEEEEE!!!

I was just watching Washington-Dallas on God's Own Network (aka FOX), and what do I see? A scoreboard card that wished me - brace yourselves, you're not going to believe this - "Happy Holidays"!

No lie! Rupert Murdoch must be spinning in his grave.

Obviously those pesky secular Christmas-haters have hijacked FOX's graphics department and substituted their filthy "Happy Holidays" for the decent, moral, Christian, American "Merry Christmas" that FOX no doubt had originally created and quite properly and decently intended to be displayed. I'm sure as soon as George W. Bush hears about this, he will take immediate steps to correct this horrible outrage and send the perpetrators to be tortured in Egypt like they deserve.

But it's too late for me. The instant my eyes beheld that foul, false, flimsy message - I've gone blind! My vision is impaired! I cannot see! Oh the humanity! They've gone too far this time, those rotten evil secularizers and their hatred for the Little Baby Jesus and George W. Bush His Only Prophet and Ordained Imperial Most Christian Majesty on Earth. They have to be stopped before another innocent beholds their evil attempt at the kind of ecumenicism that you'd think would be de rigeur in a vastly multiethnic, multicultural, democratic society. And suffers my cruel fate.

It's too late for me. But it's not too late for you. If you're reading this, then you have escaped the secularizationizers' deceit and sorcery. Warn the nation! Warn the world! Warn FOX that its graphics department is in the hands of cosmopolitan, internationalist, secularisticators who will stop at nothing to destroy the the Little Baby Jesus and George W. Bush His Only Prophet and Ordained Imperial Most Christian Majesty on Earth.

Don't let this happen to you and your loved ones! I can't get back my sight, but you can salvage yours. Forewarned is forearmed. Destroy your TV set so you won't be exposed to any risk of the filthy, false, flimsy prophecy of moral relativism. (Then you can go out to Best Buy and charge that big-screen set you've always wanted. It's okay. God has seen into your heart and wants you to go ever deeper into debt to save our American Way of Life and Shopping.)

Guard your vision! Don't suffer my cruel fate! Don't let the evil secularators take away your God-given right to hear only "Merry Christmas" from the $8.64/hour help at Walmart! Don't let them force their moral relativism down your pure, innocent, decent, David Brooks-approved heartland values! It's your only hope! To arms! To arms! Man the gates! Flood the moat! Raise the drawbridge! Speak in tongues! Don't let the rootless cosmopolitan internationalist Bilderburgers complete their fell task! Save yourselves and our beloved God Bless America! Now is the time! This is the place! Climb every mountain! Ford every stream! Buy American! USA! USA! We're Number 1! We're Number 1! Oh beautiful for spacious skies! I enjoy being a girl! O come all ye faithful! God rest ye merry gentlemen! Good King Wenceslas! God bless us, each and every one! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry -

Wait.

I'm Jewish.



Never mind.





(Any resemblance between this gentle homily and a Fafblog! post is purely intentional on my part. How'd I do?)
Comments:
Hi - I was searching for blogs about associations and found yours. Reason I was searching for associations is I have one and I'm looking for ways people run theirs.
 
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Comments: "
Hi - I was searching for blogs about associations and found yours. Reason I was searching for associations is I have one and I'm looking for ways people run theirs.
 
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